There's not much food left on the shelves so today I just bought what I could get my hands on, and I 've tried crab paste for the first time.
It's fuckin disgusting, I'm taking it back to the chemist first thing tomorrow for a refund.
An old fella is lying in his bed dying. With a very weak voice he asks
Is my wife here?
Yes, I am here.
Are my children here?
Yes Dad, we're here.
Are my grandchildren here?
Yes Grandad, we're here.
Then why is the kitchen light still on?
I went to our local Chinese restaurant last night and got chatting to the waiter. He told me he lived in Japan during the war and was a Kamikaze pilot. Because he was Chinese he was given the Call Sign 'Chow Mein'.
I said 'Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Kamikaze pilots sacrifice their own lives?' To which he replied