A new personal best.

[Ulster Lion]

I know that this won't be the most popular post on here, but I have to let it be known.......
That I have just done a record breaking dollop. Length and girth were both phenomenal, and the steam coming off it was causing aircraft on the flightpath into Belfast International Airport to change course. Even the heat from it was making the water in the toilet bowl boil.
It was well lubricated, so didn't cause any discomfort on its exit, and was still attached when it's head went into the water, so no splashback either.
The paperwork took quite a while to complete, and to prevent my cheeks looking like Errol Brown staring at himself in the mirror, several baby wipes were required to complete the task.
If the tides are right, and this thing reaches the channel, there's every chance a boat load of illegal immigrants could mistake it for land, and settle on it with their families.
Sorry for the timing of this, but enjoy your dinner.

 

[Millwall-84]

Thought this was a thread about you knocking one out in record time behind the bushes mate.

 

[Ulster Lion]

I've that down to a fine art now, 84.....6 strokes is the norm. Not bad considering I've always got an eye out for OB.
However, if I'm chugging away in a privet, and the person I'm staring at makes eye contact with me, I can do it in 2.

 

[markmwal953]

Trust me to open one of your threads as i am eating a fkn kebab ,I should know better

 

[SE14]

You know the rules. Photo please

 

[westlion 2]

I know that this won't be the most popular post on here, but I have to let it be known.......
That I have just done a record breaking dollop. Length and girth were both phenomenal, and the steam coming off it was causing aircraft on the flightpath into Belfast International Airport to change course. Even the heat from it was making the water in the toilet bowl boil.
It was well lubricated, so didn't cause any discomfort on its exit, and was still attached when it's head went into the water, so no splashback either.
The paperwork took quite a while to complete, and to prevent my cheeks looking like Errol Brown staring at himself in the mirror, several baby wipes were required to complete the task.
If the tides are right, and this thing reaches the channel, there's every chance a boat load of illegal immigrants could mistake it for land, and settle on it with their families.
Sorry for the timing of this, but enjoy your dinner.

load of shit

 

[Ulster Lion]

Trust me to open one of your threads as i am eating a fkn kebab ,I should know better

This thing was quite meaty too, come to think of it.

 

[Corby_Wall]

Brilliant!

 

[Ulster Lion]

Brilliant!

Do you want one.? I could post you my next specimen catch over, if you like.

 

[Corby_Wall]

By the sounds of it it's still alive,probably make a good museum piece!

 

[Bexleybill]

Did you have to break it's back with the loo brush??

 

[Ulster Lion]

Did you have to break it's back with the loo brush??

Took a few flushes, and a basin of water from a height of 5 feet to finally shift it.
Didn't think it would have given up the fight so easily. Reminded me of something you'd see in a Canadian logging farm.
The smears were easy enough to scrape off with the brush, and a final flush removed any trace of it.
If I'd have had the foresight, I should have gathered the family around the bowl, and officially named it, before launching.
I think this lockdown is getting to me.

 

[Supporting Millwall]

Do you think it will create another major incident between Britain and the EU once it passes the border in the Irish Sea.

 

[BrianLion]

I know that this won't be the most popular post on here, but I have to let it be known.......
That I have just done a record breaking dollop. Length and girth were both phenomenal, and the steam coming off it was causing aircraft on the flightpath into Belfast International Airport to change course. Even the heat from it was making the water in the toilet bowl boil.
It was well lubricated, so didn't cause any discomfort on its exit, and was still attached when it's head went into the water, so no splashback either.
The paperwork took quite a while to complete, and to prevent my cheeks looking like Errol Brown staring at himself in the mirror, several baby wipes were required to complete the task.
If the tides are right, and this thing reaches the channel, there's every chance a boat load of illegal immigrants could mistake it for land, and settle on it with their families.
Sorry for the timing of this, but enjoy your dinner.

Dollop!!??

 

[Ulster Lion]

Do you think it will create another major incident between Britain and the EU once it passes the border in the Irish Sea.

Good point mate. Things could get a bit messy (no pun intended).

Dollop!!??

I know, but I was trying to show a bit of class, and show off a little of my posh upbringing. I even considered the possibility of some lurkers being of the fairer sex, and didn't want them to think I'm a bit of a weirdo by just saying shit.
God forbid anyone would think I'm not normal.
I considered swiss roll, poo, crap, dump, brown egg, log, cack, keek, Richard, Ivana, and even a Charlton, but I settled for dollop cos I think that's what the Royal Family say when they excuse themselves from the dining table.

 

[LeonC]

I hear Russia just launched it’s entire nuclear submarine fleet to take out a very large submerged mystery anomaly that was heading north of the outer Hebrides towards Scandinavia.
Expect a tsunami of shit destroying the beaches in the isle sky.

 

[Ulster Lion]

Brilliant. An Ulster boat, a U Boat, or poo boat starts WW III.

 

[Saxon Lion]

If it makes it to Kermit land, it will be bringing half a dozen refugees on its next trip to our shores.

 

[T28ColdBlowLion]

I just don’t have the words. Ulster, you are uniquely ours. Never a dull or vomit free moment

 

[Ulster Lion]

I just don’t have the words. Ulster, you are uniquely ours. Never a dull or vomit free moment

Thank you. That's very kind of you to say such a touching thing.
On the subject of touching, did I ever tell you about the time I tried to find out how many jelly tots I could get under my foreskin..?